The Mother Project by Sophie Beresiner

Author:Sophie Beresiner [Beresiner, Sophie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-04-14T16:17:25+00:00

I feel like things are clicking into place the more good parts of this process we get ticked off. I know it isn’t ever going to be easy, but I would love everything to be nice, at least. To be calm and kind. I keep thinking of Melissa and what possible reason she could have for withdrawing to this extent, and I suddenly reframe it all in my head. She must feel the weight of the world on her shoulders, she must feel terrible that it’s got to the stage that we somehow only speak through a third party, surely. So I will rectify that. I will reach out again and show her how nice and calm and kind this thing can be. We’re on the precipice of making this wonderful story a reality, and in a way we’re all so lucky to get to live it. I decide I’m going to write her a meaningful note tomorrow that will get us all back on track. I’m determined that she’s going to go into this next cycle refreshed, recalibrated and reminded that we’re all good people and we care about each other. Without Jane mediating.

Oh no, wait! Scrap that. I just heard from Jane, Melissa has had another scan (how did we not know this?), and yep, it looks like the fluid is there again. Which means we finally have something in common, at last: neither of our bodies are compatible with pregnancy. Aka, Melissa cannot act as ours, or anyone else’s surrogate. I feel bad for her, the woman has basically gone into this trying to help an infertile couple, and has ended it with her own infertility diagnosis. But at the same time, I’m questioning her motivation and licking my emotional wounds. I’m not alone here, am I? That whole thing didn’t feel right, right? Jane is gracious enough to concede that Melissa’s attitude towards us has been totally unacceptable: ‘It’s not how we would expect a surrogate to behave.’

I’m very much wondering how it is that we’ve landed here, six months after signing up for surrogacy with The Agency. Our third unsuitable surrogate, but this one has fallen through well into the race, just as we were about to pass the baton after the first leg in fact. Which means we were heavily invested. Emotionally, even though things weren’t ideal. OK, things were a thousand miles from ideal – I was invested in the outcome. I imagined it happening with Melissa, I was spurring us on to get through the rough patch, and I’m told it’s quite common for rough patches to occur. Particularly when things aren’t going so well medically. The surrogate can feel a sense of guilt that might cause them to distance themselves from the intended parents. Which I totally get, but ghosting? Nuh uh. I said it quietly and shamefully to Mr B when no one else was looking, but at times Melissa made me feel like I was her PA. Like I was inconveniencing her by changing an appointment date, due to the meds not taking full effect yet.

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